A brunette says to a blonde, "Look! A dead bird!" and the blonde looks up in the air and says, "Where?"

There was a blonde who was taking her kids to Disney Land. When they were about half way there, the blonde saw a sign that said, "Disney Land, Left," so, the blonde turned around and went back home.

There was a blonde and a brunette in an elevator. On their way down, they stop to pick up another person also on their way down. When the person got on, the girls noticed that he was pretty cute. Unfortunately he had dandruff. Finally, on the way off of the elevator the two girls let the guy go ahead of them. The brunette turns to the blonde and says "Oh my God! We need to give him Head and Shoulders."

The blonde then replies, "That's a pretty good idea, but how are we going to give him shoulders?"

Three women are sitting in a doctor's office waiting for their pregnancy test results. The Brunette says, "If I'm pregnant it will be a girl because I was on the bottom."

The red head replies, "If I'm pregnant I will have a boy because I was on top."

The Blonde stops, thinks a minute and says, "Then I'm gonna have puppies!"

A couple of blondes were driving through Louisiana when they came to a sign that told them they were almost to Natchitoches. They argued all the way there about how to pronounce the name of the town. Finally, they stopped for lunch. After getting their food, one of the blondes said to the cashier, "Can you settle an argument for us? Very slowly, tell us where we are."

The cashier leaned over the counter and said: "Buuurrrrrr-Gerrrrrr Kiiiinnnnnggg."

A blonde, brunette, and redhead woman decided to compete in the Breast Stroke division of the English Channel swim competition. The brunette came in first, the redhead second. The blonde finally reached the shore completely exhausted. After being revived with blankets and a drink she remarked, "I don't want to complain, but I'm pretty sure those other two girls used their arms!"

A police officer pulls over a car with a young blonde driver in it.

Cop : "Miss, this is a 65 MPH highway, why are you going so slowly?"

Blonde : "Officer, I saw a lot of signs saying 22, not 65."

Cop : "Oh miss, that's not the speed limit, that's the name of the highway you're on!"

Blonde : "Oh! Stupid me! Thanks for letting me know, I'll be more careful from now on."

At this point the cop looks into the back seat of the car, where the passengers are shaking and white as ghosts.

Cop : "Excuse me miss, what's wrong with your friends back there? They're shaking something awful."

Blonde : "Oh... We just got off of highway 119".

There were these three women who escaped from prison. A blonde, and two brunettes. So to get away from the cops they hid in an abandoned farmhouse. In the farmhouse there were three burlap sacks sitting around. So they hid in them. When the cops came to the farm house the one of the cops saw the sacks, the officers yells, "There's just three burlap sacks in here!" To which his partner replies, "Then kick them just to be sure it's not them hiding".

The officer goes and kicks the one with the brunet in it and she yells, "MEEEYYOWW!" the officer said "Oh, it's just a stupid cat in there."

So he kicks the one with the other brunet in it and she yells, "RUUFFF RUFFF!", so the officer says, "Oh, it's just a stupid dog!"

Then he kicks the sack with the blonde in it and she yells, "POTATOES!"

There's 1 redhead, 1 brunette, and 1 blonde. The are all at the NASA Space Center. The redhead says to the flight technician, "I want to go to the moon". The flight technician says she can go tomorrow.

The brunette says, "I want to go to Mars". He says she can go next week.

The blonde says, "I want to go to the sun".

The flight technician says, "Don't you know, you'll burn up?"

The blonde says, "Well then, I'll go at night."

A beautiful blonde lady stepped onto a plane going to LA, and sat down in First Class. The flight attendant proceeded to go around the airplane checking the ticket stubs of each passenger to make sure they were all in the right seats. When she got to the blonde woman she noticed that it was for Coach seating, not First Class.

She tells the woman, "You're ticket says Coach ma'am and we have a full flight today. I'm going to have to ask you to move." To which the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to LA, and I'm getting there in First Class."

Confused, the stewardess gets her supervisor. Again, she tells the woman that she must move. Again, the blonde replies, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful, I'm going to LA, and I'm getting there in First Class."

Also confused, they go get the Captain. He tells the woman that she must move. The blonde starts to say, "You don't understand, I'm blonde, beautiful..." when he interrupts and asks, "Can I whisper something in your ear?"

"Sure" she replies, and he proceeds to whisper something in her ear.

Suddenly she gets up and goes back to Coach seating with a look of surprise on her face. The flight attendants are startled. "How did you get her to move?" "I told her that First Class wasn't going to LA."

A blonde walks into a doctor's office. She gets in the room with the doctor and says, "Doc, I hurt all over."

The doctor is really confused. He says, "What do you mean, you hurt all over?"

The blonde says, "I'll show you."

She then touches herself on her leg. "OW!!! I hurt there." Then she touches her earlobe. "OW!!!!!! I hurt there too!" Then she touches her hair. "OW!!!!! EVEN MY HAIR HURTS!"

So the doctor sits back and thinks on it for a minute. Then he says, "Tell me, is blonde your natural hair color?" The blonde says, "Yes, why?"

The doctor says, "Well, you got a broken finger."

Back to Humorous

HOME