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I read this article that said the typical
symptoms of stress are eating too much, smoking too much, impulse
buying, and driving too fast. Are they kidding? That is my idea
of a perfect day.
Skinny people piss me off! Especially when
they say things like, "You know sometimes I forget to eat."
Now I've forgotten my address, my mother's maiden name, and my
keys. But I've never forgotten to eat. You have to be a special
kind of stupid to forget to eat.
A friend of mine confused her valium with
her birth control pills. She had 14 kids, but she doesn't give
a shit.
They keep telling us to get in touch with
our bodies. Mine isn't all that communicative but I heard from
it the other day after I said, "Body, how'd you like to
go to the six o'clock class in vigorous toning?" Clear as
a bell, my body said, "Listen bitch... do it and you die."
The trouble with some women is that they get
all excited about nothing and then they marry him.
If men can run the world, why can't they stop
wearing neckties? How intelligent is it to start the day by tying
a noose around your neck? |