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O, Sweet Life
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Your kid may be an honors student, but you're still an idiot. |
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Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control. |
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We have enough youth, how about a Fountain of Smart? |
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He who laughs last thinks slowest. |
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Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math. |
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It IS as bad as you think, and they ARE out to get you. |
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Auntie Em, hate you, hate Kansas, taking the dog. Dorothy. |
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Time is what keeps everything from happening at once. |
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I get enough exercise just pushing my luck. |
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All men are idiots, and I married their King. |
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Jack Kevorkian for White House Physician. |
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Montana - at least our cows are sane! |
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Women who seek to be equal to men lack ambition. |
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Reality is a crutch for people who can't handle drugs. |
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Where there's a will, I want to be in it. |
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OK, who stopped payment on my reality check? |
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Few women admit their age. Fewer men act it. |
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I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it. |
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Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW. |
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Time is the best teacher. Unfortunately, it kills all of its students. |
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Some people are only alive because it is illegal to kill. |
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Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have. |
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A bartender is just a pharmacist with a limited inventory. |
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Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear. |
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Give me ambiguity or give me something else. |
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We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse. |
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Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else. |
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Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes. |
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Consciousness: That annoying time between naps. |
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Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home. |
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There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count and those who can't. |
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Why is "abbreviation" such a long word? |
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Keep honking ... I'm reloading. |
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