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If Men TRULY Ran The World...
| 1. | Breaking up would be a lot easier, a smack to the rear and a "Nice hustle, you'll get 'em next time" would pretty much do it. |
| 2. | Birth control would come in ale or lager. |
| 3. | Valentine's Day would be moved to February 29th so it would only occur on leap years. |
| 4. | On Groundhog Day, if you saw your shadow, you'd get the day off to go drinking. Mother's Day too. |
| 5. | St. Patrick's Day, however, would remain exactly the same. But it would be celebrated every month. |
| 6. | Garbage would take itself out. |
| 7. | The only show opposite "Monday Night Football" would be "Monday Night Football from a different camera angle". |
| 8. | Instead of "beer-belly", you'd get "beer-biceps". |
| 9. | Tanks would be far easier to rent. |
| 10. | Two words... "Ally McNaked". |
| 11. |
When a cop gave you a ticket, every smart-aleck
answer you responded with would actually reduce your fine. As in: Cop: "You know how fast you were going?" You: "All I know is, I was spilling my beer all over the place." |
| 12. | Daisy Duke shorts would never go out of style again. |
| 13. | Every man would get four real "Get Out of Jail Free" cards per year. |
| 14. | Telephones would cut off after 30 seconds of conversation. |
| 15. | The victors in any athletic competition would get to kill and eat the losers. |
| 16. | It would be perfectly legal to steal a sports car, as long as you returned it the following day with a full tank of gas. |
| 17. | Instead of a fancy, expensive engagement ring, you could present your wife-to-be with a giant foam hand that said "You're #1!". |
| 18. | When your girlfriend really needed to talk to you during the game, she'd appear in a little box in the corner of the screen during a time-out. |
| 19. | Nodding and looking at your watch would be deemed as an acceptable response to "I love you". |
| 20. | "Sorry I'm late, but I got wasted last night", would be an acceptable excuse for tardiness. |
| 21. | Hallmark would make "Sorry, what was your name again?" cards. |
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