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A 54 year-old accountant leaves a letter for
his wife one Friday evening that reads: "Dear Wife,"
(that's what he called her). "I am 54 and by the time you
receive this letter I will be at the Grand Hotel with my beautiful
and sexy 18 year-old secretary".
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a letter waiting for
him that read, "Dear Husband," (that's what she called
him). "I too am 54 and by the time you receive this letter
I will be at the Breakwater Hotel with my handsome and virile
18 year-old boy toy. You being an accountant will therefore appreciate
that 18 goes into 54 many more times than 54 goes into 18."
Single women complain that all good men are married, while married women complain about their lousy husbands. This confirms that there is no such thing as a good man.
SURGERY NOTICE:
Please be advised that you have been scheduled for an Optorectomy procedure. The purpose of this operation is to sever the cord that connects your rectum to your eyes and, hopefully, alleviate your shitty outlook on life.
An old man gets on a crowded bus and no one gives him a seat. As the bus shakes and rattles, the old man's cane slips on the floor and he falls. As he gets up, a seven-year-old kid, sitting nearby, turns to him and says, "If you put a little rubber thingy on the end of your stick, it wouldn't slip."
The old man snaps back: "Well, if your daddy did the same thing seven years ago, I would have a seat today."
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