|
1. |
You go into another room and wonder just what
in the hell you are doing there. |
|
2. |
Every joint in your body is stiff except the
important one. |
|
3. |
You get up at least three times a night to release
2 ounces. |
|
4. |
Every year you upgrade your reading glasses 008
X power. |
|
5. |
Every year you loose ¼ inch of height.
If you live to be a miserable 120 years, you will be 3 feet 9
inches. |
|
6. |
It takes longer to get into your clothes than
to wash them. |
|
7. |
You start reading the bible (cramming for the
finals). |
|
8. |
Your grandkids are getting out of diapers and
you are getting back into them. |
|
9. |
You stop dreaming about sex and start dreaming
about your morning bowel movement. |
|
10. |
You start considering sex as a job to be done. |
|
11. |
You are out hiking or golfing and pause to relieve
yourself in the bushes. After the big chore is completed and
after considerable shaking and drip-dry, you put "Big Ronnie"
back in the trouser cave, walk five feet and he starts pissing
again. |
|
12. |
You're afraid to pass gas, knowing that you'll
have to change your shorts again. |
|
13. |
You find out, in public, that natural gas is
lumpy. |
|
14. |
You're the only one in the bar who knows who
Mel Torme, Peggy Lee, and Rosemary Cloony are. |
|
15. |
At the 40th class reunion you wonder where all
the fat broads came from. |
|
16. |
Twenty-five year old women hold the door open
for you. |
|
17. |
You eat mostly lettuce, yogurt and tofu, and
gain three pounds a month. |
|
18. |
You get heartburn from just plain Jell-O. |
|
19. |
You try to think of different ways to down your
Metamucil. |
|
20. |
When you listen to the radio or T.V. everyone
else has to wear earmuffs. |
|
21. |
Neighborhood dog owners complain about your snoring. |
|
22. |
Your wife's once beautiful legs now have varicose
veins. |
|
23. |
Your hair, what is left of it, is not silver,
it is dull white. |
|
24. |
Your very expensive teeth are all good, but now
your gums have to come out. |
|
25. |
You used to be able to drink all night and then
have a half day hangover, now, you drink half a glass and have
a five day hangover. |
