Here I am again, my epicurean enthusiasts. This month's taste treat will be that well-known "big picture" delight, The Whole Enchilada. Inspired by our amigos in Mexico, it has become a worldwide gastronome's dream to create. So, let us begin…

You will need the following ingredients:

	Your birth placenta (You did save it, of course)
	The pacifier from your infancy (also known as a "binky")
	3 cups of tears from toddlerhood
	The first baby tooth that fell out (or the quarter you got for it)
	4 snips of your extra fine baby hair
	1 report card (any grade from 2 - 10 will do)
	3 hooks from your first bra (girls) or elastic from your first jock strap (boys)
	6 metal pieces from your dental braces
	1 tampon (symbolic of your reaching "womanhood") or, guys, substitute in 1 Tblsp. sperm (from all that "spanking the monkey")
	1 pig's heart, pounded flat (symbolic of your first heartbreak)
	1 oz. acne cream
	1 high school diploma (if you have one) or substitute in first speeding ticket or warrant for your arrest
	1 pair of prom tickets (whaddya mean, you didn't go??)
	1 used condom (to mark the loss of your virginity)
	First paycheck
	1 sorority or fraternity pin (am I losing some of you here?)
	1 goat's heart, shredded (yep, second broken heart)
	1 set of cheat notes from a college exam (any subject)
	1 tassel from your graduation cap (or a fake diploma)
	First timecard (punched is best)
	1 dozen business cards, assorted
	First dismissal notice
	First wedding ring
	Umbilical cord of your first child
	1 gal. sweat from your brow
	First house mortgage receipt
	1 cup spit-up from your second child
	First divorce papers
	1 heart of cow, crushed (you guessed it)
	1 pile of $$$, shredded
	Pre-nuptial agreement (from second marriage)
	1 bronzed baby shoe from your third child
	6 dozen bills, assorted
	1 ltr. blood, sweat & tears, mixed well
	1 bankruptcy filing form
	4 prescription bottles, assorted
	1 pair of unused airline tickets
	6 labels from alcohol bottles, assorted
	Lots more money, confettied
	1 oz. Ben Gay
	1 tube of hair coloring
	6 cups of Viagra (men) or estrogen (women)
	1 hearing aid
	1 tooth from a set of false teeth
	1 knob from a cane or 4 screws from a walker
	3 dozen medical bills or insurance rejection slips
	1 gold watch from retirement
	1 pin from your hip joint (or whatever's been removed)
	1 death certificate

Now then, your kitchen should be piled high with useless junk. I mean precious momentos. With a large shovel or rake, mix them together thoroughly. Friends can help with this - it makes an excellent group project.

If you have a fireplace, begin shoving these items by the shovelful into a lit and blazing fire as you slowly recite:

If you have no fireplace, dig a large pit in your yard about 3 feet deep by 2 feet across. Start a bonfire in the center of it and shovel the items on top of it as you recite:

Now run to your nearest grocery store and buy 1 - 12oz. jar of very hot salsa and 3 dozen tortillas, corn or flour. With a small scooper, start filling the tortillas with the ashes you've created. Douse them thoroughly with the salsa and roll them into scroll-like tubes. Hand them out to all of your friends to eat while you all reflect on the true meaning of life.

Well, that's The Whole Enchilada, dearies. Life is a game, so play it well. It's kind of like one big scavenger hunt, huh? Just never take yourself too seriously, or the game's over. I should know. I'm

The Answer Lady, Oh My God!

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