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Dear Answer Lady, Oh My God,
I have a very personal question to ask you. I know you will tell me the truth. My problem is this…my husband, Dick, has a long, skinny penis. Also, it curves to the left. He's quite sensitive about this. It apparently caused him great embarrassment in the locker room. I jokingly called him my BananaMan, stressing how much I loved bananas.
Now, I've talked to other women and have discovered that a curved penis is not all that unusual. My problem, however, is when we have sex, I feel pummeled along the right side of my body. So, here is my question, Answer Lady. Why do men have curved penis' anyway? Is there anything I/we can do to straighten out this problem? None of the nude models or porn stars have curved ones, just really huge ones. Please help me!
| Signed, |
| Mrs. BananaMan |
Dear Mrs. BananaMan,
Sounds like you enjoy sex, Dearie. That's my kinda gal! As far as size and shape in penis' goes, I've seen my share and have concluded that they do indeed come in EVERY shape and size. I've seen little teeny Gherkin pickle-sized dongs, to ones that look like an elephant's trunk! There's cucumbers, there's Vienna sausages, there's corndogs, and string beans. Hmmm, I'm making myself kinda hungry. Anyway, variety is the spice of life, Honey Child.
I know some men who have gone to the extremes of having their prick put into a cast to try to straighten it out. Imagine how that must have looked! I bet they attracted a lot of attention by the size of the bulge in their pants. I doubt if it worked, however, since there is no bone in the penis, it's all tissue, glands, and tubes. Makes you wonder why they call an erection "getting a boner", huh? Another man I spoke to actually tried tying weights to one side of his wang to straighten it out (I think he was trying to lengthen it too, although he wouldn't admit it). Heaven knows, there are all kinds of contraptions sold out there to enlarge penis', but I don't know of a single one to re-shape them. Don't despair, Lambie Pie, there are some tricks you can use.
First of all, grind rosemary leaves into a powder and mix 2 tablespoons with ¼ cup dark molasses. Before you next have sex with Dick, smear this mixture onto your pelvis. Yes, it's likely to be sticky and will coat your pubes. When you two get pumpin' you'll mix up some great pube puddin'. Now, the secret is, slide a small magnet into the syrup, placing it strategically on your left side over that ovary. It should stick and stay in place submerged in the goo. You may not be aware of this, but we're all electromagnetically charged throughout our bodies. This slight pull will help to center Dick's dick as he plunges into you. You might also try sewing small magnets into the right pocket of his pants to help straighten that boy out.
By following this simple remedy, you can gain peace of mind as you get a piece of ass. Also, see if you can find sensual ways of licking off all the sticky syrup for each other!
| Signed, |
| The Answer Lady, Oh My God |
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