|
1) |
If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't
ask us. |
|
2) |
Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up, put
it down. |
|
3) |
Don't cut your hair. Ever. |
|
4) |
Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are
not quests to see if he can find the perfect present! |
|
5) |
If you ask a question you don't want an answer
to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. |
|
6) |
Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live
with it. |
|
7) |
Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless
you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun
formation, and monster trucks. |
|
8) |
Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different,
it's just like every other cat. |
|
9) |
Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period. |
|
10) |
Sunday Sports. It's like the full moon or the
changing of the tides. Let it be. |
|
11) |
Shopping is not a sport. |
|
12) |
Anything you wear is fine. Really. |
|
13) |
You have enough clothes. |
|
14) |
You have too many shoes. |
|
15) |
Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but
don't expect us to like it. |
|
16) |
Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is
an idiot, and your dad's way past idiot. |
|
17) |
Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work. |
|
18) |
No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never
will. Mark anniversaries on a calendar. |
|
19) |
Pissing standing up is more difficult than peeing
from point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes. |
|
20) |
Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes - what
makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out
of thirty, would look good with your dress? |
|
21) |
Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers. |
|
22) |
A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem.
See a doctor. |
|
23) |
Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend. |
|
24) |
Foreign films are best left to foreigners. |
|
25) |
Check your oil. |
|
26) |
Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do. |
|
27) |
Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than
deceived. |
|
28) |
It is neither in your best interest nor ours
to take the quiz together. |
|
29) |
Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible
in an argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days. |
|
30) |
If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret
girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. |
|
31) |
If something we said can be interpreted in two
ways, and one way makes you sad and angry, we meant the other
one. |
|
32) |
Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women,
how can we know how pretty you are? |
|
33) |
Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie
to come out. |
|
34) |
You can either ask us to do something OR tell
us how you want it done- but not both. |
|
35) |
Whenever possible, please say whatever you have
to say during commercials. |
|
36) |
Christopher Columbus didn't need directions,
and neither do we. |
|
37) |
Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses
lose their right to complain about having their boobs stared
at. |
|
38) |
Consider golf a mini-vacation from you. We need
it, just like you do. |
|
39) |
Telling us that the models in the men's magazines
are airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty, and it's certainly
not going to deter us from reading the magazines. |
|
40) |
The relationship is never going to be like it
was the first two months we were going out. |
