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* How many UT students does it take to screw in a light bulb? Fifty - one to screw it in, and the other 49 to complain because a person of their race, gender, or sexual preference didn't get to screw in the light bulb.
* How many Rice students does it take to screw in a light bulb? One to screw it in and the rest of the student body to relieve the stress of screwing it in by running naked through campus.
* How many TCU students does it take to screw in a light bulb? Four - one to call Daddy to do it and the other three to find the perfect coordinating J. Crew outfits.
* How many Texas Tech students does it take to screw in a light bulb? All of them: One to screw it in and the rest of the students to try desperately to establish a rivalry with the other Big XII schools in light bulb screwing.
* How many U of Houston students does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. They don't want the gangs to know that they're in there.
* How many Univ North Texas students does it take to screw in a light bulb? Who cares?
* How many Baylor students does it take to screw in a light bulb? None. Light bulbs are the child of Satan.
* How many SMU students does it take to screw in a light bulb? Two. One to make the martinis and the other to hire someone else to screw the bulb in.
* How many Aggies does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three - one to screw it in, one to call it a tradition and the other to lead the yell "Screw the Hell Outta the Light bulb!"
* How many Stephen F. Austin students? Three - One to screw it in and two to laugh uncontrollably at the sexual connotations.
* SWT Students? Four - One to screw it in, two to move the keg into place and one to load the bong.
* Sam Houston State Students? None - they would just move back into their parents' house in Houston.
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